Tuesday, March 17, 2009

VALLEY OF THE DOGS

So I came back from the gym this morning and was puzzled to find my side yard gate barricaded along the bottom by rocks and cement blocks.

This is the kind of thing I normally do when my houseboy Panton is having one of his "episodes", where he decides that the princely wage I pay him isn't enough and he threatens to "giddaway from Boss" back to whatever dusty third world rug market he came from in the first place.



(I think $5.00 a day is quite adequate myself, especially considering his housekeeping chores entirely consist of wearing nothing but a pair of gold lame shorts and bending over to dust under the sofa twice a day...but I digress.)

However, given that Panton is currently out of town, attending some sort of religious retreat in the high desert where he and his brethren are worshipping a "taxidermied" moosehead mounted atop a larger than life plaster statue of Mamie Van Doren they found in a local "vintage" junk shop-



I was understandably confused by the make-shift security measures put in place by persons unknown.

The mystery was solved, however, when I discovered a four footed interloper in the back yard, lurking amongst the tikis. It was, in fact, a dog.



Now, I don't have a dog. Haven't had one since my ex-boyfriend of some years ago left unannounced, taking a good chunk of my self-esteem and our weimaraner, Jack Daniels by name. So i was fairly certain that this tail wagging stranger didn't belong here.

But on closer examination, I noticed he was moving very slowly, as if in tremendous pain, and he looked rather dazed, doubtlessly from drinking out of the salt water pool all night. I know how that feels, having done it myself during one rather inebriated afternoon where I was convinced that the martini glass mosaic at the bottom was, in fact, the real thing, and I could relate to the slightly dopey look in this mutt's eyes.



However when he resolutely refused to eat the garnish i offered him from my morning cocktail - it was, sadly, the only solid food in the house - I realized he was in need of serious medical attention. I mean, what ELSE could possibly cause someone to refuse Jensen's finest blue cheese stuffed olives?

And so, one quick trip to the Animal Doctor and a hundred dollars later, I now have an adorable dog roaming around the property, his discomfort somewhat assuaged by the painkillers he's been taking every six hours, wrapped up in some expensive brie and bacon appetizers (well, when one's Houseboy is indisposed, one must make do with WHATEVER is in the fridge you know!).



In Palm Springs, even the dogs are on "dolls".



I assume that somebody must have hit the poor beast with their car and then, figuring it was my dog and fearing the wrath of a man who has a martini glass flag waving over the front gate, they just heaved him over the fence and locked him in. I shan't bore you, dear reader, by sharing with you my distaste for the sort of people who would do this kind of thing, but suffice it to say I am posting a photograph here in the hope that the lovely little fellow's owner will recognize him and get in touch with me here.

Failing that, we shall have to find a name for him.

If I keep shouting "hey, you mongrel!" when Panton returns from Bible Camp, things could get very confusing around here.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Agnieszka said...

The dog is a cutie, you should keep him, if the owner does not show up, that is. He looks adorable napping there after his handful of pills!
I am addicted to your blog, a pearl among the shallow internet pages spread all over the wide world net.
Greetings from far away, and extremly windy now, Poland.
Agnieszka

5:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ps. Belvedere is a good name for him!

12:32 AM  
Blogger ron oliver said...

Thank you Agnieszka for your kind words! I am trying to keep blogging as regularly as possible but between scripts, books and of course my charity work with Unwed College Swim Team Fathers, i barely have the time to make a martini anymore!

and yes, the Dog has become permanent here at Six Palms. Now, to find a name...

9:03 AM  
Anonymous Agnieszka said...

You're welcome. Your writing work is simply brilliant and engrossing, it is hard to leave your pages once you find them. The way you ilustrate your thoughts with pictures is always to the point. I look forward to every post, as many other readers out there do.
Congratulations on having now your own personal wagging companion! As I wrote eariler (but failed to sign in, higher technology being once again smarter then me), Belvedere is a good name for him, but I am curious about what you will choose for him.
Warm smiles for you and the wagging one and lots of strenght and positive energy for all your upcoming projects and charity work!

1:10 AM  
Anonymous Saskplanner said...

Wow. Cute dog. Looks like he should be in a Chuck Jones cartoon... I think it was Chester the terrier.

He looks like he's going to keep you busy.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Marc said...

I stubled across your blog while searching for more "Twink" photos of Monsieur Corrigan. Panton's photos are very hot! But anyway I really did enjoy your blog pretty funny like your wit! If I every make it to the Winter Party I'll stop by....joking!! Although if Panton is lonely I could help. :-) BTW gin in my martini 3 olives up Bombay Saphire, Thanks! Marc

4:39 PM  

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